Pinterest Fails Of Mine

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Can you believe that Christmas is just 4 days away? Where has time gone? Remember when you were a child and couldn’t wait for Christmas, but it always seemed to take forever to get here. As adults it comes too fast and you’re like, “whyyyyyyy?” Lol! I honestly didn’t think that I would make and finish my shopping but somehow I managed, and that was also after my brother-in-law decided to join us. So it was a rush to get his stocking and gift done but my husband and I pulled it off. We’re stoked to have him over for Christmas. Our tiny little house will be filled on Christmas eve and Christmas day. Not only will we have my bro-in-law, but my husband’s best friend too. Plus our kitty and two dogs. My daughter is going to be so overwhelmed but she’s going to remember this one. Remember when I said that she had started in on Christmas and Santa Claus the day after Halloween? Well she’s so excited that every night she’s asking, “Is Santa coming tonight?” then she looks so disappointed when we respond with “not yet honey.” Poor kid, she is just so excited. Where her excitement is contagious, there’s the downfall of it too. She’s driving us crazy, with not listening, and not going to bed.

Moving on…

So my blog from a few weeks ago where I mentioned how Pinterests is full of lies and false hope (lol), well I mentioned that I had a few projects that I was planning on attempting. I got one off that list done and it looks like crap. Surprise-surprise! However, this week I found two other ones that I attempted, and one is really good and the other has turned out to be the scariest shit I have ever created. I’m clearly not a crafty person, plus I just don’t have time or patience. Ok, so lets go through these three little projects. Starting with the first one, which I mentioned in my last blog. I’ll post the Pinterest picture first and then mine…. Ready? I doubt it but here we go!

Pinterest:

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So I’m not even sure how they did it, but I painted it on the glass where the messy side is on the inside and the “nice” side is facing out. Well, I forgot to flip the hand holding the ornament, so the wording doesn’t sound the right way. I did invert the lettering and it would have looked good except, I suck at lettering. Also, my husband didn’t have proper green paint, so I had to finagle the correct colour so it’s not bang on. Also, the lettering isn’t the correct colour, and it’s a hot mess. I couldn’t find my red or green card stock (yes for someone who isn’t crafty, I used to make cards and scrapbook. Never said I was good at it, lol), but I did find a metallic silver, which actually kinda hides my mess. Kinda…

My Finished Creation:

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My lines aren’t thin enough or clean enough, and it looks like the Grinch has the mange. Lol!! Not completely horrible, but not as nice as the Pinterest one (it’s probably photo-shopped, lol).

Next:

Pinterest:

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This one actually didn’t turn out too bad. Being a night shift working mom, I will admit that I’m incredibly lazy and try my best to avoid stores with people in it. So I used some glass purple balls, from my own collection that I didn’t use this year at all on my Christmas tree. Tuesday morning, I tried to work with my 2 1/2 year old, and managed to do seven balls. I placed her tiny hand in the white paint, and she started off kinda messy on the ornaments, but after two she started to get the concept. She also realized that paint on her hand was too fun to ignore, so she had to stick her other hand, which was clean, in the paint. I had also, stupidly, put down a small bowl of water to help wash her hand(s) to get the paint off. She got playing in that. Anyways, I managed to get the paint off her before my couch and coffee table got a make-over. I finished the rest at work one night because this is one of those projects I waited until the week before Christmas to start. The snowmen didn’t turn out too bad.

Mine and my mini-me’s Finished Creation:

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So not too bad. I just painted the scarves on because my daughter’s fingers are really small and it was just easier, and I added the little top hats with the holly on them. I’m actually proud of this one considering the Potential Disaster Rating was a 9.5. Lol!!

Ok…Now I have the Most Frightening thing ever….

Pinterest:

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First mistake… Not doing the hand print in paint on different coloured paper. Instead I attempted to trace my daughter’s hand in order to save the headache of a mess. Then…well, just have a look. I’m so sorry!!!

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They are bloody scary as shit! Well, the damn noses won’t stay on despite using Gorilla Glue, and the google-eyes are too small (I think), they look stoned, and to make it worse, they glow in the bloody dark! Epic Fail!! Now I can’t exactly blame this disaster on Pinterest, because I short-cutted it myself, however, I’m convinced even if I had done it the way it was originally posted, these reindeer would have looked like they got into Santa’s Hash-Brownies.

There ya have my three Pinterest attempts. Agree or disagree? Lol!! I can take criticism, I actually welcome it.

Before I head off for the rest of the year, I want to take the time to discuss Christmas Present Wrapping. When I was little, my parents always wrapped my Christmas gifts from Santa in one paper. Usually it had Santa’s on it, and they would even wrap my brother’s gifts from Santa in the same paper, even though he was 7-years older than I am and no longer believed in Santa. They kept up the image of Santa, even when my brother had ruined everything when I was seven and told me Santa wasn’t real and that it was just mom and dad. The magic was gone. Poof!! One of the best things about having your own child is bringing back the magic of Santa Claus. So my husband and I bought a special roll of wrapping paper with Christmas dogs wearing Santa hats the first Christmas we had with our daughter, who was at that time only 10-months old. I’m not sure if it’s a miracle that we are still using that same roll two years after her first Christmas, or we just bought a big flipping roll of it. This year, my husband and I wrapped her stocking and all her gifts from Santa in the Santa Dog paper, however, I think we committed Present Wrapping Fail #1… We did not wrap OUR stockings in the same paper, but in the regular paper that we wrapped our gifts in to each other. I also didn’t wrap my hub’s best friend’s or his brother’s stockings in the special Santa paper. So I ask you, will my 2 1/2 year old notice this fopa? Is that even how you spell “fopa”? Lol!!

Also, I committed Present Wrapping Fail #2… I left pieces of the special Santa paper on the floor, but quickly picked it up, hoping she didn’t noticed, and tossed it in the recycling bag (which is transparent). Lol!! Parenting FAIL!!!!!! Lmao!!

Do any other of you parents do these silly things and just hope that your kid or kids don’t notice?

One more thing; I introduced my daughter to Christmas movies and shows, and I have now seen Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas and Garfield’s Christmas about 300 times, but it’s all worth it because it only took four viewings of White Christmas to have her singing along to it. Oh I’ve never been so proud.

Our Christmas tree has been up for a few weeks now, and thankfully have had very few incidents with our kitten, Lucy. My husband caught her sleeping in the tree once, after getting off of work, and last week she made it up about a quarter of the way up the pole in the middle before she got sprayed with water through the branches. Lol!! I think with the small accumulation of presents under the tree, the poor kitten is having some stress issues, as she’s intentionally not pooping in her litter box. For me, as a dog person, that’s a huge no-no, but I’m giving her some space because I’m guessing she’s just stressed out with not knowing what’s going on.

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To everyone out there, this is the time of the year to enjoy your families, and let that stress go. There’s really no reason to stress because when it comes down to it all, it’s about appreciating what you have, not what you get or give even. It’s really about being with your family, and creating memories, and traditions that your own children will want to pass down to their own kin. To all who read my silly commentaries, a HUGE thank-you for your support, words, and wisdom in your feedback. Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and all that jazz. Be Safe this holiday season and see you back here next year. Cheers!

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Holiday Fun & Pinterest Lies!

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Hello, I’m back, although I’m not really sure where this edition will go. I have so many thoughts rolling around my head right now. With Christmas coming, I seem be a bit overwhelmed right now. However with Christmas coming, I’m so excited to see my daughter really getting into it.

My mini-me will be turning three in February, and this is really the first year she’s understanding what’s going on with Christmas. Halloween took a bit for her to grasp the concept of, but she quickly caught on (we allowed her to pick out her costume this year, and she chose Batgirl…made her father proud, lol). The day after Halloween was over, she started right away with Santa Claus. They say children start developing memories around age 3, and it baffled me a bit because we haven’t mentioned Christmas or Santa Claus since last year. Part of me wonders if maybe she started to retain some memories and was able to put things together.

As much as I love Christmas movies, we started some of them much earlier than usual, and I introduced our daughter to the animated original How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Garfield’s Christmas, and the classic (and my favourite) White Christmas (she fell asleep the first two times, yes the first two times, lol). Now she loves all three. We’ve seen Garfield’s Christmas about five times as of this writing, The Grinch about three times but she’s now asking for “Mr. Grinch”, and after the first time she fell asleep during White Christmas, I used it the second time, on purpose, to get her to nap (success!!!), and two more times with the intention of getting her to sleep (failure!!!), and now she’s trying to sing along to White Christmas, which makes me super happy because that’s what I do. When she allows me to sing (I’ll start singing and she will sometimes say “no mommy!”, and my guess is, that it’s not my horrible singing voice, but she’s trying to listen to the song. When I’m allowed to sing she says, “your turn mommy!”…ever the comedienne), she will sing a line after I do. She’s trying so hard to learn these songs. “Snow” and “Count Your Blessings” are the two that she’s trying so hard to sing to along with the movie. She makes me laugh. We helped her write her first letter to Santa this year, she dictated, and I wrote the letter, and then she and daddy drew pictures on the back, and I helped her print her name. We got a letter back from Santa yesterday, and I think my husband and I were more excited then she was. Lol!!

With seeing all this amazing excitement emanating from my gorgeous little otter (one of her many nicknames), I have gotten the bright idea to make our tiny little home more festive. I grew up with super festive homes, my parents and my grandparents (my mother’s side), always did Christmas up. Christmas was my grandmother’s favourite holiday, and her house had that country Christmas feel to it. So warm and cozy. My mom did our home growing up, fun yet with a touch of country and some vintage-y feel to it. We have our traditions that I absolutely love and want to (and have carried some) over to my home and family. My hubs would say that I have a shit-ton of Christmas stuff, but I honestly don’t have enough. I don’t have festive feels in every bedroom. Next year, I plan on getting bedroom themed bedding. Can’t really do it this year as I’m so behind on Christmas shopping that I don’t have time to go search for kitschy bedroom sheets and comforters. Lol!! But I can find a way to bring Christmas into the entire house. My reason for this, is to not just teach my daughter the tradition of Santa and gifts, but also the family traditions and festivities and the importance of family. I wasn’t raised on the religious aspect of this holiday, but I was raised that it was the time of year for our family to come together to show just how much we all mean to each other and to spend quality family time with one another, and that we are there to celebrate family. It my seem strange to religious people out there that a family of nonreligious people can make such a huge deal about a holiday based on religious stories. Respect to all who go that route. Anyways, totally off topic now. Wow! See, you never know where the hell I’m going with this. Quite frankly, neither do I. Lol!!

Anyways, so I want to make the house more festive…. I made the mistake of going on Pinterest, and came away with that awesome feeling of inadequacy. Everything is so pretty, cozy and crafty. My minimal craft ability is miniscule. The most I do is add some paint and glitter into clear plastic or glass ornament balls and shake the hell out of them. These people, not only have talent, but they clearly have too much free time and a crap load of money. I work 40-hours a week, at night, for nearly $12/hr., I don’t exactly have time or money to do a lot of this amazing stuff. I’m not exactly miss Suzy homemaker. I’m not crafty, I can barely cook, and my cleaning ability has declined considerably since becoming a wife and a mother. Quite frankly, I’m pooped!! I can cook a few things, yet they’re not exactly healthy dishes, with the exception I can slow-cook the hell out of a roast beef, and bake chicken, both with and without Shake n’ Bake, and I can microwave frozen green beans, broccoli, and corn. Then I’m super amazing with Kraft Dinner (aka mac n’ cheese), Hamburger Helper, Tacos (from a kit) & nachos (super unhealthy is the way I make them but oh so delicious), frozen pizza, frozen periogies, hot dogs (boiled AND microwaved), various pastas with bottled tomato or alfredo sauce, instant potatoes, frozen chicken strips, french fries, eggs (about 5 different ways…I know impressive right?!), and I can open up a mean can of Zoodles. Not the healthiest, and as much as I would love to learn how to cook better meal, I have no time. I can slow cook a roast beef, but I still have to call my dad to find out if I put the slow cooker on low or high and for how long the slab of meat needs to stay in the thing. I’ve got a laptop full of awesome recipes (some from Pinterest, some from Facebook), and I only save the ones that say easy (they fucking lie, btw) and look at the list of ingredients and wonder two things…. 1) Who actually keeps cumin in their kitchen staples, and 2) WTF is cumin? I’m lucky if I have flour in my house during non-holiday baking season (baking I can do!). Clearly these women who proclaim to make these super healthy, super creative dishes, either don’t have children, or can afford a chef to make this stuff and then claim it as their own.

I look at all this amazing kitschy and crafty stuff on Pinterest and some of the beautiful decor for the holidays, and I have developed a theory (which doesn’t just apply to Christmas, but pretty much everything…weddings and birthdays); These women must be: 1) Stay at home mom’s, 2) Have rich husbands, 3) Don’t have children, or at least have a nanny, who watches their kids while moms take pictures of their perfect crafts, finds or food presentations. That’s my guess anyways. I’ve tried to recreate stuff I’ve found on Pinterest, and I swear it’s not possible. I’ve lost all Pinterest hope, and have renamed it Faketerest.

However, I still have butt-load of screen-shots of Christmas decor and crafting idea shit on my cellphone that I plan on trying. I can’t seem stop. It’s like a strange addiction to failure, lol! So my first plan is to re-create the following;

      1. This advent calender-like thing: So I found a picture of The Grinch’s hand (?), holding a round Christmas ornament in a frame and then you write how many days until Christmas in the ornament ball thing. Thanks to my artsy hubs, I now know how to paint on glass, but my problem is to figure out what to use to write on the opposite side on the ornament ball thing that will easily wipe off so I can change the countdown number.
      2. Then I want to make this wooden box that has three jar things, like I guess canning jars, things… Anyways, these jar things are painted three different colours and then filled with Christmas floral crap with twine around the tops. I just need to see if my dad has wood…….Um….. wait that sounded really bad.
      3. I also want to make this thingy to hang-up which has hooks on it to hang up your stockings. The wood thing is painted your choice of Christmas colours with a Christmas like saying on it, then the hooks you need to hang your stockings on. This is an excellent idea since we don’t have a fireplace, and I’m tired of sticking thumb tacks into my TV armour to hang three stockings.

Oh the trials and tribulations of a full-time working mom with limited crafting-ability.

While I’m still sort of bitching (is this bitching? Or just randomly figuring shit out?), Why is it so hard to find white garland? Like this….

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About 9 years ago I found some in the States at this Christmas store, that I cannot remember where it is or what it was called, and it wasn’t expensive at all. I bought one 9ft piece, because I lived in my parents basement and that’s all I needed at the time. I need more, plus about 6 medium sized wreathes made of the same stuff with white lights around it. I just don’t want to spend a butt-load of money. Because of this conundrum, I have decided to see what I can salvage of my first white Christmas tree (it wasn’t pre-lit, my new white tree is), and I plan on taking the pieces off the metal stems and up-cycle them…somehow. Get creative, ya know, Pinterest the crap out it.

With money being tight, partly because I’m so behind on my Christmas shopping, my usual Christmas baking isn’t happening. I don’t have the time and baking ingredients is ridiculously expensive this time of year. If I do decide to do something, it’ll probably be sugar cookies cut out with my Christmas cookie cutters, and then make different coloured icing and let my little otter go to town with decorating them (it’ll be messy AF, but fun). I plan on helping my mom with her baking. I just figured since my mom and make basically the same stuff, that we don’t need all the same things. I make the same stuff because those are the baked goods that I’ve had every Christmas for 30 years or more. It’s Tradition!

This weekend, we will be putting up our Christmas tree. I feel like I’m so behind in that too. I have seen, while driving, many people with their trees up and pictures of people with their trees already up on Instagram and Facebook, and I feel completely behind. Strange thing is, I always put my tree up the first weekend of December. So I’m really not that behind. So crazy. I’m also sort of dreading it. River’s been great with the tree the past 2 years, but this year we have a kitten, who loves to climb, and I do not want that cat in my tree. I have glass ornaments that I really love, and don’t want broken. I’m a dog person, and our dogs only ever sniff the damn thing, and maybe wag their tails into the tree but otherwise don’t bother with it. I love the way my tree looks. To me it’s perfect. It’s pretty and fun all at the same time. I don’t exactly want the cat to break the tree because she needs to climb it. So the spray bottle will be on hand until she gets the picture (sadly, she isn’t that smart of a cat. Our other cats were so much smarter). This should prove interesting.

With that, I’ll do my best to do an Update blog on my crafting, and the status of my tree. I’ll take pictures (I won’t post my versions on Pinterest), and share with all my readers. If, however, I get too busy to actually write the update before Christmas, I’ll do my best to get it out right after. Just in case….

 

Merry Christmas from Our Home, To Yours!